Basically, I went on hiatus from the interweb in order to focus on my ice sculpting career, which is going okay thanks for asking.
[Did you hear the one about when Axl sued Dr. Pepper?!?!]
Ballsy!
Like my dear friend Slick Rick once said, "here's an oldie but a goodie!"
Right, so my steady got me raidthafridge.com for Christmas (in addition to the classic black Adidas Gazelle in my size!!!) and so I owe it at least to him to make some use of the superhighway on which you currently cruise.
It seems I last hung out here over a month ago and a lot can happen in a month so let's just think about today...
I decided it was time to clean my fridge today, because yesterday I found 2 random old eggs in the back that were not the friendliest pair. I first took out a jar of President's Choice tomato sauce (spinach and cheese, if you must know) and as I was rinsing out the jar, it dawned on me that it was the perfect time to make a snow globe, considering the terrifying eggs hanging out at the back of the bus.
I had plenty of sparkles...what could I put in my snowglobe??
My plastic polar bear toy I found in the garbage on my way home from the last time Leslie from Tonic cut my hair in SEPTEMBER TWO-THOUSAND AND SEVEN???
Maybe some micromachines??
How about a bottle of orange nailpolish that is as good as dead to me...
After some rummaging and thinking, it seemed that the Mason jar was just too big...even if I piled 2 bottles of bad nailpolish on top of one another and added silver sparkles and heart stickers, it was just way too big for that to be even moderately cool...
I next washed out the half-teaspoon left of my President's Choice Blue Menu tired excuse for raspberry jam, deciding the jar was perfect for the task at hand!
I had these cute mini nailpolishes that I accidentally bought from Dollarama like 5 years ago, also falling into the as good as dead to me category. The bottles are cute, but these guys were way boring understated neutrals and I prefer HOT PINK and TURQUOISE and PURPLE and silly sassy stuff like that, mostly to bug my sister Hilary who is SERIOUSLY into understated neutrals.
She totally is, it's just that this is from like 3 years ago when we used to go raving sometimes, when character dressing was a YESSSSSSSSS!
YESSSSSSSSS! [And to think I almost threw out my wig collection yesterday!]
So anyway, I was looking for other shiny things that were cool besides bogus nailpolish to put in my snowglobe and I found some plastic crystal discoballesque remnants of a busted keychain from like grade 7 probably.
I put one around the neck of the orange bitch, not unlike another grade 7 friend of mine, HARD CANDY NAILPOLISH RINGAZ FOR YA FINGAZ!!!
It then occured to me that this sparkly pink crystal disco dancer looked a lot like a pump on one of those old-fashioned perfume bottles with the pump (or the Prada one my steady gurl Katie has, that I am never allowed to buy because then I would be stealing the way that she smells, and I would also miss her every time I wore it, considering she is vamoosing to Toronto any day now.)
This was the day that everyone dressed really pretty and I decided to look like a cult leader and Noelle dressed up as a midwife. That's Katie on the right and on the left is our friend Steph who vamooses to New York City this month...as does Noelle! BYE GUYS! HAVE FUN! WRITE ME LETTERS!
Noelle has a great rack.
To make a long story longer, I ended up pouring out a Dollarama mini and filling it with nailpolish remover and giving it a real shake shake shake and sticking all kinds of things inside it trying to clean the sides to transparency. The best tool for scratching turned out to be a sewing needle. I risked a dangerous chemical reaction, combining nailpolish remover with Comet(withbleach) powder and giving it a REAL shake shake shake. For all I knows, it couldst haav bloown ap!
This was when Noelle's rack was off tha hooooooook!!! More off tha hooooooook than EVER!!!
Then I trimmed the brush off and filled the bottle with water, with the intention of then adding yellow food colouring that Devin bought me once when I was making a birthday cake for Nathaniel (but I only used blue food colouring for the cake.)
I then decided that I would up what little artistic integrity I may or may not have, by putting rose blossom water in the bottle that I would later label EAU DE TOILETTE.
(When I was little, we would take orange blossom water and rose blossom water and pick flowers from my dads garden and mix it all together to make pretty perfumes!)
I could go on, but you would probably rather I didn't. The point is that I was working on my sort of cool snowglobe operation for MORE THAN TWO HOURS because I kept having technical difficulties although I totally love my glue gun...It's just that superglue would probably be better considering there will be water in the snowglobe, just taunting the eau de toilette statue with its presence, saying mean things like, "I GON MAKE YOU COME UNATTACHED!"
I FORGOT ALL ABOUT CLEANING MY FRIDGE!
Oh well, I did it and it was boring but before that I decided it was a good time to play dress up so I made up some sort of cool outfits that never fully came off, in that I would end up cleaning my fridge in a cashmere tube dress.
Alright let's face it, it was mohair.
In other news, I went to Jupiter Room last night with cool peeps I love that only seem to all come together when our friend Sarah from Vancouver comes to Montreal every 7 months to hang out.
This is my hand versus Sarah's really pretty hand.
WE HAD A GREAT TIME DANCING even though the DJ was kind of confused sometimes...
I liked it a lot when he played Country House by Blur because I totally loved that video and bought their CD because of it. Then he played Trouble by Shampoo, which is really awesome song (at least I think so) and eventhough I love that song, I was troubled by the thought that this DJ might have been playing a BEST OF compilation from the summer of '95, because he totally seemed like the kind of dude that would do something shifty like that...
Anyway, my snowglobe is pretty cool and now my fridge is shiny and in a relationship with nothing but wheat germ, hot sauce, and 3 okay apricot beers I bought last night on a whim and drank through a two-straw operation on my way to tha club, so that I wouldn't have to move my arms or my head because I had to rest them for when I would be moving them a lot later DANCING.
BYE-BYE SARAH! YOU HAVE PRETTY HANDS! SEEYA!
Some other stuff happened lately, but my eyes are turning as square as watermelons, so I gotta go!
Watermelons? Yes! Watermelons! LOOK!
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
1 comment:
oh girl you are funny - I swear
you your sister and me and mine
are all cut from some kinda similar fabric. I've been friggen
all over doin all sortsa' so I'll
update soon - aspen was a trip and it's all true and I'll blog about it soon but it's like - I'm gonna have to have the energy, cause I saw at least 2 celebrities a day
which is total hilariatron blog fodder.
wish I woulda seen you in NY.
next time. I just moved to Bklyn. today, after coming home from the 99 cents store with like 10 bags (they had art there! I bought it. a country scene and some random mini paintings) I stepped into the hallway to see if the spare door was for garbage. I didn't know that my door locked on it's own - and I was stuck in the hall, wearing cheesy isotoner slippers my nana sent me for christmas - white terry cloth with a too big satin bow, and toque because i haven't washed my hair in 3 days. oh, and my lips are sooo dry that they just blend with the rest of my face in a casper the ghost kind of way. I knocked on the neighbours door, and he was a cut red head with a persian carpet, black converse and a cute red beard. he invited me in. he sat on the couch, and I sat on a wooden chair, facing the couch and I felt like I was interviewing him, or vice versa. it was hilarious. it took the landlord an hour and a half to come and bring me the key. the conversation didn't stop that entire time and so it was like a 'crash course in get to know your neighbour under the crunch and on the clock'..
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