Wednesday, October 3, 2007

MAMBO #5.

By some twist of fate, I found myself at Café Suprême again on Tuesday evening. Actually, I was at 2nd CUP and just wanted to show you that I know my ALT PLUS NUMBERS and can totally rock any French accent you want...å! SEE?! That stands for ANGEL. So I was at Café Suprême UH-gain. Caroliner's power went out and she needed the interweb and we were study-dating and I'm a hopeless romantic so if that means Café Suprême and their SUPREME ice blended bevs then so be it.


[SIDENOTE: Remember how I was saying that my address in Ottawa pops up EVERYWHERE and CREEPS ME OUT? Let me tell you the one about ACCENT CIRCONFLEXE...]


I got a Cappucino Glacé and kind of wished I had gotten chocolate milk instead. Seriously, I think he just makes it up on the spot every time. I talked of smoothie recipes and I haven't the energy for it right now but let it be known that I am the queen of home-made ice blended drinks, in terms of size, texture, and flavour. Ask your mom. Ask your dad. Ask anyone. Especially Jenna.


Anyway, I moved to a front table by the window because some annoying girls were chitter-chattering about relationships at the back where Caroliner resided...I was taking a breather outside around 11:30 listening to the Smalltown Don't Stop the Rock mix of Pink Mountaintops' Can You Do That Dance (Track 11 on their promo CD...thanks Mark!). I leaned against the open window just in time to catch some young lovebirds embarking on a heavy petting make-out adventure across the street, outside Bifthèque.


N.B. Make note of the SOLID MAKE-OUT JAM.


I was so entranced by their faux lovemaking that I started track 11 three times to maintain the mood (it's a remix; so it's only 1 minute and 44 seconds.) She was looking supercute in a plaid shirt with a red headband worn how cool kids wear headbands these days.

MADONNA...














IS...















A TEENAGER??
























Umm....GET A CLUE, GRANDMA!
























Hmmm...where WAS I....


Ah yes, the male lead. He was dressed boring but they were both short and that shit was cute as fuck. They went inside and a shitty white subwoofered Camry full of sideways hatters totally ruined everything, by blasting this. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sgRJXOqlvBA


Don't get me wrong. I love that jam. But there is a time and place for everything...




















Time: Hollywood Hills. Place: HUMMER CONVERTIBLE!!!


N'est-ce pas??


MAIS OUI!


This is another suitable hummertime jam.


And heeeeeere...is the best shit to ever come out of Canada. Yes, I've heard of Joni Mitchell. Leonard Cohen? He's like, my neighbour 'n shit! What do you mean you haven't seen us feeding pigeons together in the park by Marie-Anne and St. Laurent?? Weeeeeird. Because we're TIGHT. Sometimes I even call him Leo for short! Not really. I call him BIG L. Anyways...


Without further delay...the best shit to ever come out of Canada. As stressed by my sister Hilary on numerous occasions.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oD1V4kUKGX4
CANADAAAAAAAAA! REPRESENT!


Ottawa. Let's represent.




(I listened to this from 3:28 am until around 5am last night while cleaning my apartment...that's right, I listened to it THREE TIMES IN A ROW.)



Pat/DRASTIK's older Discobelle mix:
(includes innovative use of Radiohead.)



And Pat's latest, Drastik Pleasures, aforeplugged a couple of weeks ago:
(Mellow. Relaxed. No raver shit.)


Ian/ILLO's mix, Stylusts Remixes Vol.1:
(Ian and I have the same birthday...August 21st!)


So remember way back when when the sideways hatters were talking about how money is not a thang?


The eternal construction mess on St. Laurent that makes for slow traffic at all times resulted in them drowning out my romantic jam and like I said before, TOTALLY RUINING EVERYTHING. I had just read this SUPERtrippy short story by Charlotte Gilman called The Yellow Wallpaper and yeah, then it was time to return inside for some riveting DISCUSSION QUESTIONS. Quelle DRAG...


It seemed the perfect time to join the club and lose my Coca-Cola ZERO virginity. What's so cool about that? I'll tell you. The fact that Karl Lagerfeld has Coca-Cola ZERO for breakfast everyday with a side of cornbread.



















ZOOM IN ON CORNBREAD.



















ZOOM IN ON COCA-COLA ZERO.

























True story. Karl Lagerfeld rules. I felt mighty fashion-forward. And somewhat traitoresque. Considering the proximity of my Coca-Cola ZERO can to my Fendi Spy bag...



















ZOOM!


















In case you are a really cool person who never reads the WEEKEND STYLE section...Karl Lagerfeld fronts the house of CHANEL. Whatever, I was 40mg of sodium richer, PLUS I upped my protein intake by 0.1g which made the tofu I had for dinner seem like pocket change.


PSYCH!


Karl rolled with Fendi for a time. He's a total powerhouse. I'm in the clear. NOW YOU KNOW EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW TO TOTALLY FREAK OUT A STRAIGHT GIRL IF YOU ARE A STRAIGHT BOY TRYING TO PICK UP A STRAIGHT GIRL.


I found myself wondering if the Coca-Cola ZERO can had always been black and white or if they it on purpose, as an homage to Karl Lagerfeld...the physical embodiment of Japanese minimalist chic.


















Keep it simple stupid.
In conclusion....





















Oh! I almost forgot!


























Wait a minute...





























Hold up.




























CAN YOU GUYS SLOW DOWN FOR JUST EVEN TEN SECONDS?!?!



Wait for it...




Wait for it....




























...



















BAM!

I guess now's as good a time as any to reveal the BONUS QUESTION...of a lifetime.



























ANSWER: Whoever you want it to be. Could be Judy Blume for all I care! Everybody wins this round. RECESS!!!


One thing's for SURE...


























Holy shit, right?! In case I forget in the SPECIAL THANKSGIVING WEEKEND EDITION COMING SOON...I would like to thank my parents, John Gordon Young and Astrid Killike Paidra, for letting me be whoever I want to be and being aiight with me being into whoever I want to be into at any given moment. Girls, boys, unicorns, sasquatches, whatever. THEY SUPPORT ME! Much love. SERIOUSLY.


I guess the moral of the story is this. Karl Lagerfeld and Hova need to do lunch. Soon. To the izzo. Maybe tommorow even? I'll have my people call your people.


















Hmmmm...NO. This just ain't doin' it for me.



And eventhough I'll thank her in the SPECIAL THANKSGIVING WEEKEND EDITION COMING SOON...I can never thank her enough. Lindsay, you're my girl. I don't care what anybody says, Miss Lohan is a true pleasure to work with. An absolute joy. She never fails to suprise me. She's not always there when I call. But she's always on time. She's highly professional. And she'll usually share her stash if you let her borrow your key.
WARMEST REGARDS...
Pretentious Priscilla (Queen of the Desert)

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